Crazy John’s Filter Factory
Crazy John the elf is a story of a lone Elf of the Shelf making a great adventure to help Santa fix his sleigh

As far as it goes, we tell the tale of snow.
The overworked Customer Service
Not ours of course, they keep us afloat.
We sing of jolly snowmen,
And a reindeer with a nose.
That if you look so slightly,
He claims that it glows.

But deep in the snowy belt,
Lives an elf for whom we don’t talk about.
An elf that wanted nothing more,
Than to be the best filter manufacturer.

Crazy John was his name,
And making Santa filter elements was his game.
One could find, they say,
That Crazy John lived in his Filter Factory.

All through the year, Crazy John worked and worked.
Like a great big ol’ fashion TF1 group.
Crazy John couldn’t stop,
And I’ll tell you why,
It’s because Crazy John knew a guy.

Every year, around the 24th of December,
Crazy John knew it would be a day to remember.
He knew that St. Nicholas would be suspended solid.
Tangled up, sleigh risked being spotted!

So he did what an elf could possibly do.
He worked his fingers through and through.
He knew that if he fit it right,
That perfect Hydraulic filter could keep the sleigh in flight.

But the Saint, himself, could come any day.
The Filter Factory where John slept, worked and play.
So as Crazy John settled down,
A distress call came without a sound.

“John! John!”
The voice did cry,
“I’m test flying
My sleigh
And it
Cannot fly.”
“Oh, John!
Oh, John
He cried
And cried,
“I’ve got to get
To the kids
On Christmas Night.”

Crazy John got up out of kilter,
And worked harder than a Pressure filter.
All came down to a night so dreary,
That behold Santa needed a quick delivery.

“But the filter
Is not ready”
Said John,
And he knew it.

Santa needed a filter for a special type of hydraulic fluid.
The resin was drying, ready for the 25th.
But Santa needed data, no time for a blip.

Crazy John plowed through the snow.
A sight in which he did not know.
And though his bones were a bit shivery,
He set out on a quest to make that day delivery.
Crazy John was parched roughly halfway farther.
But Crazy John forgot his special drinking water.

Nevertheless, it was not the time to distress.
Crazy John’s Filter Element was almost at it’s best.
John had an idea to dry it much quicker.
He’d place it in a Plastic tank in hopes to
Protect it from the bitter.

Alas, he made it to the North Pole, at last.
Now to find St. Nicholas; a challenging task.
Crazy John looked tall scaling every last brick, stone and double wall.
He searched through the ranks;
Searching high and low in Santa’s Storage tanks.

Crazy John popped his head,
In the event that he missed him.
But saw a dark puff,
Black smoke from the hydraulic system.

“Oh John! Oh John!
I’m glad that
You’re here!
We haven’t much time
Christmas is
Almost here!”

Crazy John examined the vessel with care.
And realized the high pressure on the sleigh that stood there.
The Schroeder GZT Crazy John usually worked,
Was not the right solution, no matter how much he twerked.

The presents got heavier as the years went on,
And a typical metal hydraulic tank would not be good for Blitzen or Don.

“There’s not enough
Time for me
To go back.
If only there
Were magic
Still left
In the sack.”

St. Nicholas stopped with a doubt of thank.
He inquired with “Crazy”
About his polyethylene tank.

“What’s that
Crazy contraption
You’ve got there?”

“Why it’s a
TNK7 from
Schroeder Industries,
mon frère.”

“Well, what’s it do,
That tank
You have with you?”

“It’s said to reduce
The weight.
It’s a special
Hydraulic tank.”

It was that moment when a lightbulb went off in Crazy John’s head.

“Santa! That’s It!”
Said John,
In a spit.
“The filters
Not the problem,
It just
Won’t fit!”

So Crazy John pulled out his crazy build on.
He replaced that rusty weighed down Highland.
John retrofitted his tank on top was neither.
That good ol’ GZT and a neat little Air breather.

With a bit of magic and good team building,
St. Nicholas’s sleigh rose up

“For the children!”

Crazy John had a blast on his little vacation,
But starting tomorrow, it was back to
Hydraulic filtration.
Crazy John returned to his Factory alone.
Listened in to hear his silent phone.

Innovation was the reason that saved a good night.
Crazy John began preparing for next year’s flight.

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